Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Joke Time

Jokes courtesy of M.

TEACHER: Juan, sino pumatay kay Jose Rizal?
JUAN: Aba!?... Hindi ako ma'am!!!
TEACHER: Gago ka talaga!!!... Niloloko mo ba ako?....
JUAN: Aba Ma'am, hindi nga po ako!!!
TEACHER: Tarantado ka talaga!!!... Sige, umuwi ka ngayon din at papuntahin mo yung tatay mo dito!!!
(Umuwi sa bahay si Juan at nakita ang tatay nya.)
JUAN: Tay, pinapupunta kayo sa school ng teacher ko....
TATAY: Aba!?... Bakit daw?
JUAN: Ewan ko ho... Tinatanong po kase sakin kung sino daw pumatay kay Jose Rizal....
TATAY: Teka teka!!!... Hindi ako no!!!... Bakit ako?
JUAN: Eh pinapupunta ho kayo eh...
TATAY: Eh hindi nga ako eh!!!...
(Dumating si Lolo at nag salita.)
LOLO: Aminin niyo na kung sino sa inyo ang pumatay at baka ako pa mapagbintangan!!!

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 GENIE: Bibigyan kita ng isang kahilingan.
ALING DIONISIA: Talaga?… Gusto ko gumanda!
GENIE: Buksan mo ang bote.
ALING DIONISIA: At gaganda na ako?
GENIE: Hindi... Babalik na lang ako.

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SABRINA M. MAKES TARAY TO OSANG IN A TALK SHOW. SABRINA M: A”t least hindi naman ako katulad ng iba diyan na retokado ang boobs.”
OSANG : “Hoy Sabrina, oo nga itong boobs ko retokado. Pero at least ang ngipin ko hindi pustiso tulad ng sa yo! Ooops huwag kang magagalit baka malaglag yan sa sahig!”


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Eksena sa jeep: GIRL: "Manong bayad."
DRIVER: "Ilan itong 50."
GIRL: "Isa lang kuya, estudyante, nursing, ateneo, bagong sakay."
BOY: "Aba ang yabang nito huh, kala mo ikaw lang huh (nagbigay ng 500 sa driver) "Manong bayad."
DRIVER: (galit) "Ilan tong 500."
BOY: "sa lang manong keep the change, seaman bagong dating."
BALIW: (di nagpatalo at tumawa, bigay ng 1000) "Manong bayad.
DRIVER: (galit na galit) "Peste ilan to?"
BALIW: "Tatlo. Kasama nurse at seaman. Keep the change! Galing mental bagong labas!"


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MR. POGI CONTEST: (MR. PRETTY CONTEST) HOST: "Ano sa mukha mo ang pinaka-asset mo?"
CONTESTANT: "Sa tingin ko ang pinaka-asset ko sa mukha ko ay ugali! Mabait kasi ako eh."


SHE’S GOT THE LOOK BEAUTY CONTEST: "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Ma. Rosario Liboon, I come from the beautiful city of Pangasinan City!"

SHE’S GOT THE LOOK BEAUTY CONTEST: "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Carmelita Hernandez, I come from Pasay City and I want to be a medicine!"

SUPER SIREYNA CONTEST: HOST: "Anong masasabi mo sa death penalty?"
CONTESTANT: "Ah, ano po yun di toot por toot, eye por eye.
HOST: "Paki-eksplika nga?"
CONTESTANT: "Ganito po yun: kung pinatay mo ang nanay ko, dapat, patayin ko din ang nanay mo!"

JANINA SAN MIGUEL at the 2008 Bb. Pilipinas Contest:
HOST: "What role did your family played in your participation in this contest? "
Her reply:
"Well, my family’s role for me is so important because there was the, they’re… they was the one who’s very, ha-ha; oh I’m so sorry. Ah my family, my family, oh my God, I’m, okay. I’m so sorry; I, I told you that I’m so confident; ah wait, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, uhm, sorry guys because this was really my first pageant ever. Because I’m only 17 years old, and I did not expect that I came from, I came from the one of the top 10; uhm, so, but I said that my family is the most important persons in my life. Thank you."

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